07/22/16

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Home becomes a harder word to describe once you go away to college. Is home where I was raised? Is home in Ann Arbor? Is home in NY where I worked the past two summers? 

 

When you ask college students to describe their childhood home, most give you adjectives like welcoming, cozy, safe, and fun. I say the same things, but I’m lying. 

 

I lie because it’s easier than saying, “Home reminds me of my best friend, but now he’s dead. Home reminds me of birthday celebrations, but my grandpa died on my birthday unexpectedly during my senior year of high school. Home reminds me of Breezy Drive, which is four minutes away from where I was raped, which is also where my rapist currently resides. Home reminds me of my dog. But, I never grieved the death of my childhood dog who unexpectedly died in my arms three years ago as she had a seizure.” 

 

So, I say that my home is welcoming and cozy, safe and fun. 

 

My childhood home no longer holds any significance in my life. It is where my family and I meet up for holidays and where I occasionally go for a weekend, but that’s it. Based on my previous description, it’s probably not surprising that I was ecstatic to go away to college. Not only because of the freedom and independence that came with that, but because I would have the chance to create a new home. 

 

One that was actually welcoming, cozy, safe, and fun. 

 

I bought new bedding, fun lights, picture frames, a futon, a mini keurig coffee maker, and much more. My roommate brought a television, posters, a mini fridge, and a rug to match our color scheme. I roomed with Bethany, a long-time friend that I grew up competitively dancing with. For months we were planning out every detail of our room, but we had no clue where we would end up living.

 

I remember waking up from a nap to four text messages from her. It was one of those naps where you wake up asking, “What year is it?” I rubbed my eyes, trying to make sense of where I was. 

 

“JESS!!!!!!!....ANSWER ME!!!!...CHECK YOUR EMAIL RIGHT NOW!!!!....ROOMIE!!!!”

 

I had an email from the University of Michigan. The hype was necessary. I found out that I would be living in West Quad during freshman year.

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Finally. This would be my new home, my fresh start. It was like a blank canvas, and I could paint whatever beautiful picture that I wanted to. I chose bright colors that would remind me of happiness, hanging lights for a calming vibe when I needed it, and I framed pictures of the important people in my life. The people who loved me unconditionally.

 

I’ve lived somewhere new every year of college. But, I maintained my promise to myself. I would always make my home and my individual space representative of what I needed in my life at that moment. 

 

West Quad was fun. Hill Street was welcoming. Forest Court was safe. And Oakland Avenue is cozy. 

 

Home is all about your surroundings. I choose to live with people who will have a spontaneous dance parties, who hug me when I walk in the door, who talk on the phone with me when I’m walking home alone, and who snuggle up with me after a long day.

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Home is not determined by a geographical location. It’s about the energy that surrounds you when you’re there.