02/03/18
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As of February 2018 I had told a good amount of people in my life about my sexual assault. If you didn’t know about it, then you didn’t know me.
It doesn’t define me, but it has fundamentally shaped who I am — yes, there is a difference.
When #MeToo began trending, I initially felt relieved. FINALLY. Finally, People were talking about it. Then, I was pissed. Where were all of you when I needed the support? Where were all of you when I needed words of encouragement? Where were all of you when I needed a band of strong, badass women by my side saying “Don’t give up!”
Well, Jess, not everything is about you.
It took a lot of brain power for me to put coherent, rational thoughts together. Yes, I could be upset, and those feelings were valid. But, I had no right to question the validity and timing of other people’s voices. They spoke out when they were ready, and I’m damn proud that they did.
Nobody ever said you could only tell your story once.
I had told my close friends and family, but what about Aunt Becky’s Sister’s Daughter? She doesn’t know. And it’s about damn time that she did.
I decided to post my #MeToo story on Facebook. After being open and honest, I felt a little lighter. Below is a copy of what I posted. I’m still proud of it to this day.
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“Two years ago today, I drove to the local police station with my sister to report my sexual assault. It happened six months before then, but at the time I couldn’t comprehend telling people about what had happened to me. I was ashamed, but my shame quickly turned into rage. Why should he get away with it? Why should my life be altered forever, but he gets to move on as if he did nothing wrong?
So, I decided it was time to stick up for myself and what I believe in. In a time when not many people were willing to speak up and have these hard conversations, this was a risky decision. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I filed a police report on February 3rd 2016, which opened up a police investigation. The night I was assaulted I had a rape kit done to preserve evidence. The next step was a recorded phone call with my assailant where he admitted to the crime and even apologized. Even with this much evidence, so many people didn’t believe me. I lost a lot of friendships that had brought me so much happiness for years, but if they couldn’t support me then I didn’t need them. I spent the summer before college attending court dates and being prepped to testify for trial, while most people my age were attending graduation parties and having fun. Further down the road, I decided to make a plea deal instead because I was emotionally exhausted. I am content with my decision because I didn’t want to ruin his life. I just wanted him to know that he is not, and never will be, entitled to a woman’s body. On December 21st, 2016 he was sentenced to 6 months in jail, along with other stipulations agreed upon by us both.
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As satisfying as this small victory was, it doesn’t take away the painful memories. I will have to live with those forever. But, I am lucky enough to have the strongest support system ever. My family, the few friends who stuck by my side, my teachers, my dance family, and so many more helped me through the worst year and a half of my life. I can’t say thank you enough. Today, I am stronger for it. With the recent #Time’sUp movement and the Larry Nassar trial taking place, we have made a lot of progress. However, there is still a lot of work to be done.
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I always heard stories of sexual assault in the news. I would think to myself that it was tragic, but it was something that happens to other people. Unfortunately, it happened to #MeToo.”
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I will NEVER stop telling my story.
Until the day I die, I’ll tell anyone and everyone that will listen.